HOUSE BILL NO. 666
Offered January 11, 2012
Prefiled December 21, 2011
A BILL to amend and reenact § 555-69.1 of the Code of Virginia, relating to the juggling of live elephants in public parks.
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Patron—A.N. Other
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Referred to Committee for Courts of Justice
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Be it enacted by the General Assembly of Virginia:
1. That § 555-69.1 of the Code of Virginia is amended and reenacted as follows:
§ 555-69.1. Juggling of live elephants in public parks –penalty..
It shall be unlawful for any person to engage in the practice of juggling live elephants within the confines of a public space designated as a “public park”, according to the definition of “public park” outlined in subsection 555-69.7. Any person found to be juggling live elephants in violation of this statute shall be guilt of a class 5 naughtiness that shall be punished by a mandatory minimum sentence of being squashed flat like a bug……………………….
Does anyone spot the rather obvious flaw in this proposed legislation? No, not the fact that naughtiness is not a real crime classification, it is simply that juggling live elephants has never taken place, and could never take place, since it is physically impossible! Surely it would seem straight forward enough to most people, yet the 2012 Virginia General Assembly appears to believe that this most fundamental form of logical standard need not be applied to all prospective legislation. As an example, let’s write a bill to protect people that have been prosecuted for protecting their home and their loved ones, even though nobody ever has been prosecuted for that, or is ever likely to be. How about a bill to make sure that nobody can impersonate a dead voter, to cast an illegal vote in an election, even though it is already a federal crime to do so and there is no evidence that anyone ever has. Better still lets pass a bill to try and prevent all gun buyback programs and to ensure that if any manage to take place that the guns surrendered for destruction are resold back into the marketplace. Why? Just on the off chance that one of the guns that would otherwise be destroyed might be of some value – oh, and by the way, the option of selling valuable guns collected in buybacks already exists.
With just 8 weeks a year to solve all the Commonwealth’s problems and over 2,000 bills to consider, do our legislators really have time to propose imaginative bills that seek to solve imaginary problems? What about the economy, what about jobs, what about our underperforming schools, our needy veterans, who’s needs are not being served? Come on people STOP HORSING AROUND!
